Monday, December 22, 2008
Back from walking in the valley of the shadow of death
I can see that, having not posted in a while, the thought, "I wonder if Tara went on vacation somewhere" might have crossed someones mind. So let me kill that question right here and now. Instead of being on a cruise ship where I belong, I was sucked into a black hole of temp motherhood while my parents galavanted about California. I cooked and cleaned and burned a new hole in the o-zone layer from the amount of time I spent driving. So my question to you mommies who read this is, how do you do it? And more importantly, WHY? After 9 hours of the insanity I was ready to gouge my eyes out. I know that "it's different when it's your own" and that "it's the most fulfilling thing you'll do" but excuse my disbelief. I was not fulfilled. I was exhausted. And I kinda felt like I was living in Gitmo - NO ESCAPE. A prisoner to duties that would never end. You know when Kate from LOST says "Taco night? I don't DO taco night" in her married flashback? Well I wanted to high five her and yell, Amen! Guys, I don't DO motherhood. It makes me weird. Example: The night before I was relieved of duty I was watching "It's a Wonderful Life" while I was folding a Mt. Everest of laundry and I totally cried at the part when Harry Bailey says "To my big brother George, the richest man in town" and everyone cheers and sings carols and the bell rings and the little sickly girl talks about angels. Because somehow, George Bailey ends up really happy being poor with a gazillion kids and unfulfilled dreams. So I guess it's possible. Needless to say I'm in no rush to try it for myself. That little dose was enough to last me a long time. So here's to you moms - I salute you.
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7 comments:
I salute mothers too. :) I think, no actually, I know, it is a fantastic plan wherein we birth children then grow into mothering with them. I am constantly surprised that things that I thought I'd not like, I don't mind and I think it's because I just started doing it without thinking about it. thinking about having a bunch of small children running around scares the crap out of me, but I'm sure when (if) :) it happens, I'll not really realize it and not mind. Anyway, good for you. I'll bet your parents needed the break.
Love it. Sorry you got the babysitting job (again). Seems like your parents are taking full advantage of having you around! When they are your own kids you have to get use to it, or else CPS will come and take them away. Then family reunions wouldn't be very much fun because I'd be there without my kid and having to tell everyone "well CPS took her"...talk about awkward.
And after all the exhaustion your children will give you these little kisses and hugs and eventually say "i lalu mommy". Siblings don't do stuff like that :)
You're such a great big sister Tara. I often wonder if CPS is going to show up on my doorstep because we have this single guy who lives next door who I'm sure can hear my daily ranting (and as you probably realize, I AM a screamer!:)). And yes, I'd like to poke my eyes out some days, like hmm today, after the 4:50am screachy awakening that Spencer gave me today. But every time Spencer climbs up on top of the kitchen table and gives me one of his belly laughs and the look that says, "Ha ha, I did it again Mommy!" it's worth it.
i totally agree. i remember asking my dad in disbelief, "how did you do it?" and he said, "you have them one at a time."
and then i had them one at a time and i kept forgetting things. important things (fortunately i only forgot one of my kids once and then i started remembering both of them). but still! and i said again, "how did you do it?" and my dad said, "you have them one at a time."
yeah, i'm doing that and it's not working. we may have to stop at two kids because i'm folding giant piles of laundry and not ever getting to sit down and have someone not attack me (lovingly or otherwise).
all i can is this: you don't notice that you're doing it when they're your own kids. because i look at other people and think, "sheesh!" but then i look down and think, "oh yeah, i've got some too."
PS I don't do taco night either. I don't even know what that is.
It's different when they're your own. It is the most fulfilling thing you'll ever do.
:0)
BUT...that doesn't make it easy or fun and perfect all the time (or even most of the time). Being a mom is tedious and hard and unforgiving and sometimes sooooo very one-sided. This is why having children should never be the fulfillment of a selfish desire. It shouldn't be, "I want one, so I think I'll have one." This is why our Church teaches that the decision to have children should be between you, your husband, AND the Lord; in order to make a truly unselfish decision regarding bringing little people onto this earth.
Okay, soap box preaching aside, I totally agree with Miriam. When they're you're own, children become so much a part of your regular, every-day routine that you don't notice the sacrifices and inconveniences as much as non-parents do when they tend your children. Plus, when they're your own, your love for them absolutely carries you through some of the worst experiences and sort of sugar coats them so that they aren't as bad as would seem to someone else. So, I say, bring on GITMO!! :0)
you mentioned that you wanted the mamma mia soundtrack. Amazon has the whole album download for $5 right now if you're interested. with the movie cast members... :)
p.s. i just made the connection that our beloved Mr. Darcy is in the movie too! no wonder he looked familiar! It must have been all that smiling that threw me!
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