Today I walked into the ladies restroom and noticed to my chagrin that my favorite stall was taken. I like it because it’s against the wall and no one really uses it, therefore less germs. So I contented myself with the handicapped stall. As I looked down to see the shoes of the woman (let’s be honest – we all do it), in the adjoining stall - MY stall - I noticed something was off.
“Are those…. No. It can’t be.” I thought to myself. But the longer I stared the more I became convinced. They were MENS SHOES. I couldn’t believe it. The bottoms of the jeans covering the HUGE, dirty used-to-be-white shoes were torn and filthy. And we’re not talking those stupid pre-torn Abercrombie jeans. These were something your local over-weight gang member would wear. Then I hear a cough.
A deep, low rumble.
It was no dainty cough. I began to get nervous. There is a man in the stall next to me! What if this foul man hides in waiting in the women’s WC and then attacks them?! He was right next to me! I had to get out of there. I rushed to the sink and washed my hands in 1.5 seconds. I ran (8 steps) back to my desk.
And then I wondered…. What would this perv look like? I HAD to see. So I grabbed my water bottle and went to the water fountain outside the bathroom. As I was filling up, the restroom door slowly opened.
Ah HA! I thought. I will catch this creep on his way out. I quickly tried to think of some smart comment to make to him. Sarcastic: “Enjoy your ladies room experience?” Disgusted: “What the #%*&%$ were you doing in the women’s bathroom sicko?” Or maybe I would give him a REALLY dirty look.
Suddenly a figure appeared out of the doorway. I couldn’t look directly because he might be scary. So I waited for him to get close, and then I stole a glance.
And the He was actually… an It? I couldn’t tell! The clothes were definitely men’s. The body made it undeterminable. The face was round and pudgy without a stitch of make-up. But the scrunchi… What kind of man ties his hair up with a scrunchi? It MUST have been female. A flood of thoughts ran through my mind, some about how badly I felt for this unisex thing, but mostly I thought just how lucky I was to have narrowly escaped death.
3 comments:
that is really funny. i've seen a few of those in my time. i read it to ryan and he thought it was pretty funny too- and sad. he has a tender heart.
Wahahahah! This was too funny! On the topic of bathrooms, I know it's not Kosher but I always go for the handicap stall first. It has a good amount of room to relax and the toilet is situated higher which is nice. It also has a railing where you can hang your newspaper from rather than on the floor.
Those shims can be oh so tricky. LOL
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