For those who don't know, I have a very pleasant and simple job that allows me ample time each day to surf the internet. This also gives me plenty of time to post, but I'm not exactly overcome with inspiration while on the job, so I usually don't.
I have something of a daily routine. Think Office Space. I come in, make my tea, chat with Stacey, the real estate secretary, for 1/2 an hour, check the major news papers for interesting things, make my first trip to the loo, and then tackle my projects. Until I get bored, and then I get back online to look at two genres: blogs (of course), and celebrity gossip. Don't judge me!
Truth be told, I love my daily dose of TMZ and Perez Hilton. There is something so delightful about seeing glamorous actors captured on their way back from Starbucks, looking washed-up and nasty, like my meth-using neighbor. I love the downfall. I love the ridiculousness of Hollywood. And since I don't have TV, I've go to have some way to keep up with current pop-culture, right?
I will lean over in my chair and tell Stacey about so-and-so who's now prego, and we will laugh and roll our eyes, and then she will tell me her latest celeb sighting (she sees them ALL the time). But after a few minutes I feel my blood pressure rising and I start to get dizzy and my mouth gets dry. It's the feeling that I often get when reading about China or Russia or Hugo Chavez... something that tastes like rage. And this inevitebly happens when reading "The Queen of All Media", the Perezzers. Maybe I have been spoiled in academia. I suppose I am just used to the pretense of objectivity. I enjoy his open dislike of almost everyone he writes about, and really laugh when he calls Rumer Willis "Potato Head" (perfect example here). But then I see that he actually is Hollywood personified, and that's when I grab my trash can and make a run for the bathroom.
So now I'm pretty sure I have health issues from work. If its not the lastest horrifying case of unjust, frivilous lawsuits in litigation, it's TMZ or Perez pushing me over the edge. I feel a case of disability coming on.
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7 comments:
First, can I just say, Thank you for brightening my day with your hilarious views on anything really. Second are you still working at NPMP (or whoever is in the title these days)?
Does "M" still work there? For some reason I thought he had left. I'll bet you have lots of fun "knowledge". Sounds like tons of fun. And hey offers you can't resist don't come knocking at your door every day (well they at least don't at mine...) You're welcome for the birth control... :) I was talking to Nathan and Lisa today (she's up from Cali) and we were talking about how fun and smart and clever you are. Keep posting, it's fun to hear what's going on in your head :)
I'm a random blog stalkeress (okay, I found your blog through Laquina, I'm friends with her sister).
Anyway, I just had to comment because very recently I gave up my Perez Hilton addiction. I'm probably about two months Perez Hilton sober. And it took some work, lemme tell you. Since he posts so often, it's so tempting to just keep clicking over. But then I realized I spent more time reading Perez Hilton than I did reading the scriptures. Sounds testimony tacky, but it's true. And I started to get a little offended by his fickle ways. But moreover I was horrified at how much I began to be influenced by him. True, I never really liked Maniston to begin with, but still. Do I really give that much of a crap?
Do I miss it? Sometimes I do. But I admit, I'm pretty impressed with myself for kicking the habit.
hello, I'm thinking with all your time on the internet it is pretty tragic that I am just now finding out about your blog. sheesh. Good thing I am as forgiving as I am. But maybe it's better I didn't know about it until now because Lar and I were reading your last post and got a little lost and now I feel kinda dumb.
But thanks for sharing your wit with the internet world. I love your title too. Call me back sometime when you're ready to talk and not poke your eyes out from boredom at work.
Tara, you are so good. So when is the book coming out and what is it about?? You could be on oprah- can I come? I mean I am pretty much your biggest fan. You should get one of those tracker thing to see how many people are reading your blog. If you have enough people reading advertisers will PAY you to write...and seriously I read A LOT of blogs and yours is the most humorous/intelligent by far.
I'm just sayin.
Hey Lady! I must join the crowd and tell you that I really enjoy your humor and your stories! I miss your face and your smile! Hope your doing well! Love you girl!
Not so much a Perez fan myself. I get really annoyed that he writes on all the pictures. I just want to get a closer look at the outfits, both good and horrific. I'm a classy celeb gossip kind of gal. Except when it comes to gofugyourself.com - boo-yeah!
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