Dear Mr. Mid-life Crisis,
Look, I don't really want to say this because I'm sure you're a really nice guy. But enough is enough already! I understand that you are in essence saying "Up Yours!" to your ex-wife by going on some warped revenge diet. But your exuberance in Bonnie's Sculpting Cardio Class is taking it a step too far. I mean, jumping in and out of lunges? You're not exactly a spring chicken, and I think I can hear your joints scraping together when you do that. Plus, it's distracting. How am I supposed to keep focused on contracting my core muscle group with you bounding all over the place? You bring to mind little Lord Fauntleroy, except I'm betting that you're NOT gay because you're frumpy. The hair is mullet-ish and the shorts are mid-thigh, but not in the I'm-only-gay-for-Brad-Pitt-European-trash way.
My main complaint: your sweat. It was dripping off you so profusely that your step was 50% covered in wet splatters. At first glance I thought you couldn't drink out of your water bottle properly - but OH NO, that was definitely perspiration . One word for you: sweatband. It will match your high-tops quite perfectly. And it will save you from the inevitable lawsuit bound to happen when someone (probably me) slips in your puddle.
The truth hurts friend, but I promise that I hurt more when I am forced to work out next to you twice a week. Take my free advice and run with it. You'll thank me.
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2 comments:
I'm glad you find my comments about stupid kids humorous. You are probably the only one who reads my blog that does. Seriously though, I can't stand other people's kids- it is worse than when we were growing up. Remember how we use to talk about that? Yep, having one of my own didn't change it. Not. One. Bit.
I think about that scenario every time I'm touching equipment at the gym. But I do that when I accidentally touch handrails too.
But on the other hand, every time there is a guy in one of my female dominated classes I secretly applaud them in my head. That's brave. I would not like to take an exercise class with all men. Nope.
The best is when they wear loose shorts and go to yoga. WHOA!!! Put that stuff away....
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