Bye bye dollar

"Economic crisis" seems to be the tagline as of late. And if you don't know why, then you are a sadly misinformed human who should spend less time reading Twilight and more time reading the news. Or preferably listening to talk radio. Anyway. We all concur that I have some good ideas. And this is my latest stroke of genius: SPEND. That's right. Stop saving, you selfish hoarders. And Congress, don't think you're not included in this. Here is the letter I wrote to Mr. Bush which proposes my idea:

(WARNING: If capitalism offends you, then stop reading. And never visit my blog again.)

Dear Mr. President,

Let's skip the small talk and get right to the point. Don't give $700 billion to the companies who botched all this in the first place, give it to the people! Ya, you heard me. THE PEOPLE. Why? Because we will spend it. If every person over the age of 18 would get somewhere around $535,000, I can pretty much guarantee you that some portion of that will be spent. Smart people will buy real estate, houses, cars, college educations, bonds, stocks, and other smart-people things.

Stupid people will spend it on rims, or cocaine, or Jack Daniels or gold chains and whatever else retards do. But does it matter? No, because it all goes back to the economy. The housing market will start to raise, GM won't go bankrupt, and even WaMu might survive because of those people who will just put it in the bank to save it.

I know people think you are dumb. But I have faith that despite the fact that you are a Bush, you had to work hard for that MBA. Just think about what I have said and don't make a rash decision. I would rather not have to pay over $100,000 in taxes because of the failures of others.

Sincerely,
Tara

PS - I would really like some new pants that caught my eye at Nordstrom, so the sooner you send me that check the better.


A note of credit: Mr. B was the first to propose said plan. I just expounded. Which is what I do.