I was mindlessly flipping through TV channels the other day when I came across Monster Quest on the History Channel. I LOVE this show. Do I believe in the supernatural? I’m undecided, but I really like shows that deal with jumbo-sized creatures. Like Bigfoot and Nessie and colossal squid. Well, the narrator of the “Lake Champlain Monster” stated that although they don’t know if there is a monster that lurks in the depths, (they discovered something is giving off echo-location down there!) the federal government has passed a law that states that if Champ, as they lovingly call it, is ever found it will be against the law to harm it. What? A maybe-real creature has it’s own protective legislation? Hmmm…
This got me to thinking - what would I do if ever I was sunning on a remote beach on Lake Champlain and I was suddenly confronted with the monster? Probably wet myself out of fear and excitement. Hopefully have enough wits about me to capture a shot. But what I would REALLY want is to be able to catch it. I would catch it, claim some kind of rights on it, and then take it to Loch Ness to lure out Nessie. And then I would breed them and sell their babies to different countries who desire a monster haunting one of their lakes. Because who doesn’t want one of those. Naturally I get to be choosey about who I would give the monster babies to. If you are on the naughty list then you can forget it.
“Kim-jong, if you don’t get your act together you will never be given a Nessie-Champ.” And then he would cry and mend his ways. “Ahmadinejad stop threatening the Jews. ..Yes I CAN make you. Your options are simple: be nice and get a monster or continue being a jerk and you run the risk of being eaten by one.”
And then we would have world peace. Problem solved.
5 comments:
It looks like a duck. A mallard, specifically.
And what if the monsters end up being the same gender? Boy would that be disappointing.
i just realized that one of my old teachers that i keep in close contact with had serious problems with believing in god and had no problems with believing in big foot. it made a poem he'd written mean all the more to me. i also thought it was interesting.
i love those monster-myths. i fully support you breeding the loch ness monster.
brilliant. i think brad and angelina would buy one, they have a lake at their new french chateau...therefore you will be powerful and wealthy...and beautiful, totally world-domination status. sweet.
Africa? Problem solved! Thanks Tara
if this happens, can I make your biopic? I promise to take note of the techniques used on lifetime.
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