Dear BYU,
I am a fraud.
For years I have complained about the many ridiculous hoops that you have made me jump through – and now I realize that I was wrong and you were right. I will be getting a BA in History, which in essence means nothing because I am dumb. I can spout out a few little-known (and little-cared about) facts on China. I can tell you that Marbury v. Madison set the basis for the exercise of judicial review. I can tell you that D-Day happened on June 6 1944, Pearl Harbor on December 7 1941, and sometimes I can remember the definition of a fascist. I can also tell you with absolute surety that conflicts between the Israelis and Palestinians are COMPLEX.
I can write a decent thesis paper, but according to Dr. Holmes my grammar is terrible. I CANNOT do math nor can I speak a cool language. I once thought I was a deep thinker, but then I made a goal to no longer fake reality.
Also, I somehow managed to NOT take Biology, Chemistry, Physics, American Heritage, or Doctrine and Covenants. This makes me feel clever, like I beat you BYU – but stupid because I didn’t learn it. You did however screw me over with statistics, so congratulations on that one.
Now I will feel like a liar when I put down the many “skills” I have garnered from BYU on my resume. Maybe in the skills category I will instead put, “Somehow managed to graduate from BYU without actually earning it.”
7 comments:
This post sort of makes me laugh because I know first-hand that you ALWAYS know the definition of a fascist. And those dates that you just rambled off are very important. Stop leading us to believe that you don't actually deserve your BS diploma. you EARNED that sucker! There were many-a-day I would have given you my left arm if you would have agreed to cafe rio up at Y-lot rather than trying to study for a ZOO final. No-- The day of graduation, you better haul-a up across the stage throw up a gang-sign for your picture, give a lttle speech about how much tithing you paid and how hard you worked to get into BYU and then yell something profane. Then on your way home, cut across the grass (on campus) as many times as you want, wear a tank-top and short- shorts, and spend the night at in one of the "guys-dorms" at DT. That'll show them!
And I'm glad I took up all the room so no one else could comment.
Um, your funny and I kind of felt the same way when I graduated. How DID you get away without any science?? Poor you, well one day you will call me with questions and I will...unfortunately not be able to answer them because like you I have a few facts stuck into the crevices of my brain but not much else ;)
whether you are alyssa or bruce- your comment is hilarious. I agree, do it all! :)
i agree with amber and alyssa/bruce-give BYU what for!
Alyssa, you forget that
1) I have already done all those things, and,
2)I will be excommunicated for doing it again. It's kinda like the three strikes you're out rule.
But it is crucial to go out with a bang (or a bad swear), so I will stick it to them one last time. Totally worth the damnation.
oh-yeah. Let me think of something better. Pose as a pregnant sister missionary and walk across the stage to get your diploma yell several profane things, complete it with a HI-YAA! (karate kick)
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