The Cute & Cuddly

I have this co-worker, bless her heart, who just loves to show me picture books of the cute and furry creatures of God's kingdom. Either she's a bit dense or I do a good job of feigning interest, because I am constantly being bombarded by "Oh! Isn't this just the cutest thing?!?" while she waves pictures of bunnies or puppies in my face. And I am the last person who would coo over a smelly germ infested anything, even if it is fluffy and waddles.

So while she prattles on about how adorable some animal is and I dumbly nod my head in response, I'm ACTUALLY musing about what the animals are probably thinking at the moment.

"You know friend, I've been following you around this box for hours but everything still looks the same. At least, I think it was you. Or maybe it was that other podgy yellow ball of fluff, or that other . . ."


"So my mom said I can go practice nipping at the mailman tomorrow with you - hey Rufus are you listening to me?"
"Ya Milo. It's just that this !@#$% onesie is cutting off my circulation and I'm being slowly asphyxiated to death."
"Hang in there Rufus. Just a few more minutes and then we get to stuff our snouts with a big bowl of Iams."
"I hope one day we can turn the tables and do this to THEIR children and post the pictures all over the internet for everyone to gawk at."



"And then I was like, 'Take this you drooling flea bag! What?! You think because you're a Doberman Pincher you can take THIS on?!'"
"Oh, Bravo Fluffy! Bravo!"



Rodent: "Guys isn't this GREAT? All of us so adorable and friendly with each other?! Although . . . um . . . Kitty, I have to say that it makes me a TAD nervous that you keep staring at me while simultaneously invading my personal space. And is that . . . drool?"
Kitty: "Hm? Did you say something, Snack? I mean, Friend?"


And just to be fair, I do this with pictures of little baby humans too. Ya, probably the pictures of YOUR kids.