From Sticks to the Ritz: A Travel Adventure

I decided to start my summer off right by taking myself on a vacation to Maui. Now before you roll your eyes and mutter that this will just be one of those My Vacation Was Super Awesome And Your Life Sucks kinds of posts, which is probable, let me say that I was unsure of how this trip would go.

Here's why:
Heelllooo Jack! This is Matthew Fox, who plays Dr. Jack Shepard on the brilliant and tragically over show, LOST. And I saw him in LAX as I was about to board my plane. AND we locked eyes for a sweet moment. I successfully repressed my urge to run and plant a whopper of a kiss on him, or to yell out something slightly snide like Did you find your destiny yet Doc?! But then I realized that he just might be a terribly unlucky omen, because for those of you who don't watch the show, his plane crashes on a mysterious island on the way to LAX.

And I was flying out of LAX to an island.

Kinda freaky, right? The whole horrible flight over I was thinking of what I would do if our plane went down. This was good planning on my part, because even though I obviously made it there in one piece, I actually ended up living in the rain forest. FOR 5 DAYS. So all those boy scout survival skills, extra water bottles and sanitary wipes came in handy. A little TOO handy.

I stayed with some friends in Hana. In a hut. In the Rain Forest of Greedy Mosquitoes. With an outside shower. But WITHOUT a bathroom. And let me tell you right now: Tara + popping squats = messy wet disasters. I know. GROSS. I found myself saying prayers of thanks anytime we went to town and there was a public restroom. Me giving thanks for porta-potties is on my list of Things I Never Thought I'd Be Thankful For, right up there with sprained ankles and sun stroke.

I'd recount more about the misadventures in Hana, but do you really care? Of course not. We'll leave Hana on the high-note of toilets and move to the final phase: We ended the stay in Wailea, thank goodness. At The Grand Wailea, which is a Waldorf Astoria hotel. I was about to flop down in the massive outdoor lobby and weep from relief and happiness, but they frown on that kind of thing there.

I've never been so glad to see clean towels, running water and rich retired folks in my life.

I came away from this holiday with a renewed sense of my high maintenance lifestyle and love of all things money can buy. Go ahead and judge away, but I'd like to see how you hold up when on your left leg ALONE you have 18 mosquito bites.

So I guess I'm not great at roughing it. But I AM great at loafing and staying at expensive places on someone else's dime. We all have our talents, I guess.