"Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it. "

So I know a lot of people just ADORE Halloween and claim it is their all time favorite holiday yada yada yada. But ever since the trick-or-treating days of yore ended it just doesn't seem to matter. What is the point of a holiday where you can no longer knock on a strangers door and demand candy in exchange for not pulling a trick on them?

Thankfully, there is no age limit on dressing up (or way, way down - depending on how you look at it). Costumes are an essential part of Halloween, and that, I think, is where my problem lies. Because here is what you maybe didn't know about me: I love going to places mostly naked.
Restaurants, the movies, playgrounds, church - you name it. My philosophy is The Less Clothed The Better.

And I don't really stand out when every other female, and the vast majority of males, are out-skanking me. All of these get-ups are stealing my thunder, and they act like they're SO ORIGINAL. I mean, why do we act like someone wrapping themselves in only cellophane and calling it a costume is the equivalent to brain surgery? Trust me, cello-wrap's not difficult to do, though it IS difficult to break dance in.

Just last night there was a pre-Halloween party, and the "Tarzan" who walked by got all kinds of stares and comments from my co-workers like, He's only wearing THAT?! And I was all, Please - like it's HARD to walk around in front of children with all your flesh exposed. I would like to see Mr. Thunder-of-the-Jungle pull that off next Thursday.

So really, I opt out of this holiday of pretension. If so many people not-so-secretly wished they were porn stars, why don't they just dress like that for everyday occasions like I do? Why all the spectacle and fanfare? Man all this nudity talk really makes me want some candy.