Missing: C. the Muscle

Dear Hot Dude from The Gym,

Wither hast thou gone? It's been months since last I saw your lovely smile and huge tattoo. Did you start going in the mornings because of a recently acquired girlfriend whom you spend your evenings flexing to? Are you touring exotic countries with trust fund money from a deceased relative? Have you stopped coming because CNN is STILL exploring the apparent mysteries of Michael Jackson's death, thereby disrupting your very strenuous lifting exercises? Because I know how you loved to watch the game on the big tv overlooking your bench press machine, and I can see how the plethora of MJ pictures might . . . you know, disturb you a bit.

Or did you perhaps find out that I insinuated you might be on the feminine side? Because it was only a CONJECTURE - and if that is my offense, then I TAKE IT ALL BACK! I'm sorry I questioned your testosterone levels, and your matchy-matchy outfit with whats-his-face. Please, I AM BEGGING YOU, come back! Come back to your beloved weights and love us again. My time there without you has been so boring and lacking in pretend romantic tension.


Longingly awaiting your return,

T