Tuesday, May 12, 2009

a tail for tuesday

Not so long ago, on a warm and balmy afternoon, I was lounging on my bed reading. A salty breeze was wafting in through the window, blowing my blonde locks ever so gently across my pillows. The down comforter swaddled my tired limbs, beckoning them to submit to its warm embrace.

I could hardly keep my eye lids open. I placed my finger in between the pages to mark my place, and set the book down on my stomach. Strange dreams faded in and out with the breeze. Seasons seemed to drift by, but minutes later . . . I felt something stir my long straight strands. Just the wind, I told myself. I could hear the blinds on the window stir, like they are wont to do everyday around noon when the ocean air blows through the town. Just the wind.

No more than a few minutes later I awoke again to an odd sensation. Self, I thought, Why is my hair moving so much?

WAIT.

Why does it feel like there is something on my head??

I tilted my face up toward the window, and what did I see? A big lizard face staring right back at me.

OH MY GOSH! I yelled as I rolled off my bed. Satan Lizard scurried to my bed post, and then I realized that this was no ordinary lizard, this was an ALLIGATOR LIZARD. Named so because 1) It has a really long snake-like tail, and 2) It BITES. And hisses.




Sam! I yelled, Get in here and catch this thing! Sam came rushing in and asked, Where is it? I pointed to my bed knob. Sam ran to the garage to get a glove, and consequently spent the next 20 minutes screeching as he tried to corner it. Lance came home soon after, thank goodness. He informed Sam that smacking a lizard with a glove won't get it out of the house. Within a few minutes it was trapped in a bucket, and after a brief study of it we realized that this same lizard was in the house the day before! It's mismatched tail gave it away. Apparently setting it free in a neighbors yard across the street was not far enough.

Unsolved mysteries: How did it get in the house two days in a row? Why was it sitting on my head?! And what kind of reasoning capabilities do these lizards have?!

Suffice it to say I have kept my window shut ever since.

The end.

8 comments:

Rachie said...

OMG OMG OMG OMG! I would CRAP MY PANTS if I found that thing in my hair! How are you not DEAD from fright?! And more important, where do you live so I can be sure I NEVER move there?!?!

miriam said...

I don't think I'll ever be able to step inside your house again. Or sleepover. this story made me shudder repeatedly.

AND WHY THE HELL OUT OF ALL THE PLACES TO BE WOULD A LIZARD PICK YOUR HEAD??? WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT HAPPENING?

UGH. UGH. UGH!!

Amber Marie said...

That is a crazy story. My worse nightmare. I thought it was a pet of your brothers, but a wild animal? even more scary. I'm glad it didn't eat your golden locks or your brilliant head.

i i eee said...

This sounds worse than the palm-sized spider that was mere inches away from my face. *shivers*

Marge Bjork said...

I say palm-sized spider is worse. I'm pretty sure spiders ARE the devil. Maybe I'm a horrible person, but I would find it most satisfying if the lizard found it's way to your house a third day. Better than a fight between Heidi and Spencer.

But I do think it's freaky that it's a biting lizard. Eesh.

The Smith Family said...

EWWWW. Maybe you need to move to Nebraska, I'm pretty sure there aren't alligator lizards here. Glad he didn't bite you, that's just freaky.

leean robinson said...

Hey sweet Tara. I am locked in my den for a while so the HVAC guy can test our vents to make sure they pass our wonderful miriad, countless codes we have here in wonderful CA. Even though it was just a remodel you would think we did something of high level security changes that are now requiring scrutinizing to pass all the inspections CA requires! What a nuisance!!! So I took the opportunity this morning while this is going on to catch up on your blog. THANK YOU so much for giving me a good laugh and relieving my stress of having more workmen in my house destroying who knows what, and losing myself in your stories. You have gift. Keep it up. Love you lots. Auntie

Rachel Barlow said...

Oh my gosh tara you crack me up! That was one of the funniest things I've read! That's too funny! Although it wouldn't be funny to me if I was the one with the lizard in my hair:)