There is an alarming phenomenon in Provo which has been going on for a while which I recently became aware of. It is a sick obsession with the overly-dramatic Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. Let me first give a disclaimer: I was tricked into reading them by a friend who knew that I had never heard of them before. And I will confess that they are rather entertaining. But worth all the rave? I mean COME ON fellow University students – read something worthwhile. This Mormon romance novel is beneath your self-proclaimed intelligence.
But as I was thinking about vampires and how weird it would be to suck someone dry, I remembered this freaky movie I watched in my high school German class called Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror. CREEPY! And what with this cult mania of the Twilight books in Provo, I thought I would sit down with the most infamous vampire of all, Count Orlok (you know him as Dracula) and get his thoughts on what it’s like to be a freak creature.
T: So, you’re a vampire.
CO: ..Obviously.
T: What a drag! But tell me about it.
CO: Well, it definitely has its perks. I mean, I get to latch onto people’s necks and suck their blood.
T: Awesome.
CO: I know!
T: I hear that you sleep in a coffin. What is that like?
CO: Oh, it not so bad. I sometimes am embarrassed because my girlfriends think it’s something only dead corpses do.
T: Are you dead?
CO: Technically I am undead.
T: Whatever!
T: And you have girlfriends? How does that happen?
CO: What is that supposed to mean?
T: Well, I hear that Edward Cullen is pretty sexy, but you are shabby and pasty and old.
CO: It’s because I’m European.
T: Oh right. How do you feel about the main stars of the Twilight books, the Cullens’?
CO: They are suckers. ..No pun intended!
T: Hey that was almost funny for an undead blood drinker.
CO: Have YOU ever drunk blood?
T: Not lately. I am trying to give it up.
CO: Good for you. Hey look! What is that bat doing up there?!
T: What?! Where?!
CO: Ha! I got ya! I could have bitten your neck just then and you wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.
T: You are gross. And it’s a good thing I ate a lot of garlic before I came here.
CO: I like garlic flavored blood.
T: Whatever. Thanks for the interview. You are just as creepy as I expected.
CO: Thank you.
8 comments:
NERD! but I'm SO glad.
so, should I get started on the books? everybody here is obsessed too and i am thinking it is not worth the time. i mean seriously, my time is precious.
Amber I recommend not reading them. And for a variety of reasons. If you have limited time there are many more worthwhile reads. I can give you some good ideas if you want.
I would rather read interviews like that than the books....though I had a dream that i was fully making out with the guy who plays Cedrick Diggory (who im sure you know plays the vampire) and now I kind of want to read it in the hope that I might have another one.
thanks for the mock interview
sure, i would love some suggestions! and we don't have to go to antique shops in pismo, i just threw that out there. maybe some vintage clothing shops would be fun. then we could buy something to take home ;)
I have found a fellow sister in my feelings about the Twilight series!
Meyers needs a better editor.
Though my dislike mainly stems from the numerous times I've told people I want to be a writer: when I tell them I write experimental avant-Gothic fiction, their reply is, "OH! YOU MEAN LIKE STEPHENIE MEYERS?!!!"
Yes. Because you know Gothic must equal vampires. And for a MORMON of all people to write about vampires -omigosh, talk about avant-garde!
Wow...
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