By nature I am a conflicted person. I always want two diametrically opposite things at the same time. I liken it to wandering down the yellow brick road toward a blurry destination - the Emerald City, if you will. I feel good about it. Productive. But then there are some beautiful hills to roam around just a ways off the path. I start to stray, maybe pick a few flowers, but then look back to the road. There it is, endlessly winding. Leading me towards a better resume and potentially a great career. But there is so much to see off the road! I think I can hear a carousel in the distance. I wander a bit more, enjoying the scenery and having a jolly time, but that darned road is calling my name. I turn around and shake my fist at it in rebellion. I try to run from it, but it's no use. I can still hear the carousel music in the distance, beckoning me, but I turn my back on it and trudge back to the yellow brick road. I hate the site of this stupid road, with it's monotony and pretentious gold shimmer. Plus, I don't really want to get to the Emerald City because it freaks me out. I don't like multi-colored horses and I am scared of midgets.
Get off the road Tara! Run away!
I can't! I can't!
Perhaps I have multiple personalities. Or perhaps it's because I am a straight orange, according to The Color Code. A bizarre blend of Red (Dominate!) and Yellow (Play!). Driven and Power-hungry vs. Fun-loving and Flighty. I wish my mind would just choose one and go with it.
I could give you example after example of how this conflict has screwed my life over. And now I am doing it again. The rumors are true: On a whim I decided to move back to California. It's a means to an end, will get me where I need to go, blah blah blah. Why don't I just up and move to Israel for a few months like I have been wanting to, you ask? Because the d%!& idea of responsibility WON'T LEAVE.
I am chained to "real life" now. I fear the days of freedom are coming to an end. And just for that, I have decided to go on a trip. So up yours, adulthood.
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3 comments:
wait, seriously? i can't tell if the undertone of this post is anger or sarcasm or both...
call me sometime. i don't have any answers whatsoever. as for making decisions i ended up in texas but i do have some real great stories about poop.
i hope you treat it like a true vacation and do nothing. that'll show that reality and responsibility and adulthood!
I know, really do we need to grow up?
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