Chapter 4: THE NEIGHBORS

It's been a while since I've reported anything about THE NEIGHBORS. Partially it's because things have been almost normal over there, and partially it's because I try to forget they exist.

For those unfamiliar with the humans that are housed directly next to me, suffice it to say that over the years they've provided the neighborhood with a plethora of criminal activity, bizarre incidents, and a permanent cloud of cigarette smoke. They're treasures.

So. The youngest, whom we affectionately call Joe Dirt, recently took a giant metaphorical leap: he left the house. For a few hours, but still. Watching J.D.'s comings and goings have become something of a sport for me and my brothers. Twin #1 will be like, "I haven't seen him in three weeks but I know he's in there because I still hear him watching Nickelodeon late at night." And Twin #2 will say, "It's gotta be any day now because he has to come out for air sometime, unless his lungs have evolved to the point where he can breathe in smoke instead of oxygen."

Sometimes we place bets on whether we'll catch a glimpse of him during the week, just to keep it interesting. He's like that illusive snow leopard on Planet Earth that took weeks of watching before the film crew ever got a shot of him, except that J.D. has yet --from what I've seen -- to lope after an animal in the hopes of catching it for his next meal. Which is a shame.

Although, now that I think about it, it's quite possible that J.D. is keeping a low profile in order to continue his burgeoning life of crime. I know it's rude to accuse people of wrongdoing, not like it stops me, but I have a feeling he might be The Mysterious Local Graffiti Artist. A couple weeks ago, as I was leaving my house in the morning, I noticed some lovely spray paint "words" on a lamp post and For Sale sign down the street. Not that I live next to a golf course or anything, and the SWAT team has made an appearance on my street, so I shouldn't be surprised. Still, I was. And methinks that my suspicions are correct. Perhaps some sleuthing is in order . . .

In the meantime, it appears that Joe is currently alive. Oh, and the Momma Dirt has moved back in to that Smoke Den.
Hooray.