I've wanted one for a while, but it's now become a necessity because I have my newest calling in life: author. Of ROMANCE NOVELS. And I'm ashamed to say that my family would never want their last name connected to a creator of fictional sordid love affairs because they're prudes.
I currently have a job where I work with loads of books, and over half of the ones I assess are romances. Initially I thought, Huh - the cover art is so original and each novel is so distinct - what uniqueness! And then I happened to see one particular cover, and I was like, Is that ME?! Because one time in a similar situation this sneaky perv took my picture while I was . . . unawares.
There was this whole fallout because my whiner EX-boyfriend was all, I can't believe you cheated on me! And I was like, HELLO did you not see his rippling biceps?!
Anyway. That's when it hit me: I can write romance novels because my life practically is one. Don't they always say to write what you know? And what I know is half-clad Highlanders/Italian Dukes/Sweaty cowboys/Yearning high school football quarterbacks (not my proudest moment, I admit)/Risky Playboys a la Chuck Bass, in fiery moments of intense passion. Honestly, my love resume is about as torrid as it gets, which makes me more than qualified to pass my know-how off as fiction AND get paid for it.
Just in the last 6 hours I've written three. I think I will title them Her Swarthy Secret, A Midsummer Night's Scandal, and The Prince's Surprise Heir. They all will start with some tension, and then heaving bosoms and wet pirate shirts when they just can't fight it anymore, and then an almost-tragic misunderstanding, probably involving a love triangle with a long-lost and mysterious twin who of course is conniving and just playing her because he wants her enormous dowry, and finally - the surprise but wanted pregnancy, and then the wedding on the beach as the sun sinks below the calm ocean waves which gently lap the shores of their own private island.
There will, of course, be some juicy plot twists which will give each story a unique flavor of its own. Are you excited yet to read about my life? Better help me come up with a good pen name then, since I can't publish them as Taradise. It's too obvious. I need something more classy which will better suit my genre. Winner gets the first three books free of charge!
2 comments:
have you ever seen how nascar has a series of harlequin romance novels? That's classy.
NASCAR HAS A SERIES OF HARLEQUIN ROMANCE NOVELS?
wow. WOW.
Dear Tara, I think that's great that you've found your calling. i think you'll need a good pen name because, remember your other calling? the texas farm wife with strapping young boys and fresh lemonade to make? i'm guessing those boys won't want their peers to know that their mother is the one who writes those AMAZING books. or maybe they will. i've never understood boys.
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