We've never had a real chat, you and I. And by real I mean me writing a blog post on The Internet to you, which of course you will receive with delight. I think you'd agree that it's time we cleared a few things up.
So here's the deal: I've been a goodish girl this year. I turn a blind eye to THE NEIGHBORS, I recycle, I stopped flipping people off when they cut me off in traffic. I even smiled at some nutty old lady the other day in Trader Joes. That's what we call PROGRESS, Mr. Claus.
So my question is thus: When will I finally get the awesome presents that I deserve?
I know they say that this season isn't about the presents you get, but that is a load of LIES. Gifts are the reason I stuff my year full of good deeds. And at this point I think I have earned something more than flannel pajama sets and scented candles.
What I'm trying to say is that I need black Louboutin pumps, a big Marc Jacobs purse, and a dainty gold necklace for starters. We can move onto bigger items next year, since there is some supposed economic crisis going on.
I don't want to sound all scroogey with my needs; it's not like I don't love the Christmas spirit because I DO. This is the only time of year I stuff myself full of nogg and gingerbread cookies ON PURPOSE. It's just that I appreciate tangible benefits for all the troubles I go to with my giving heart.
And should you doubt that I deserve what I so desire, let he who is without blame cast himself off the sleigh. YOU, Jolly Ole' St. Nicholas, are the one who sees us when we're sleeping and knows when we're awake. In other words, pervy.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Tara
3 comments:
great letter to the clause. what am i going to do when this whole christmas thing is over? i mean i have used the line, "i'm going to tell santa clause not to come" so many times in the past week...
you recycle? sheesh, i had no idea your desire for that mar jacobs purse was so strong.
also the lady in trader joe's says you can go back to scowling at the customers. apparently your smiles make them nervous.
Merry Christmas my sweet Tara. I know you talk big in this blog but I love my sweetttt niece, Tara. I hate to say it again, but I thought you looked GREAT at the wedding/sealing. I hesitate to say it again because I love you whatever you look like. But I know you have been working hard at the gym and you look so fit and put together! So tell that to Mr. Claus.
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