There seems to be a bit of confusion, a sort of misunderstanding between you and myself. Because, you see, I very much want to move to the Lonestar State, and yet you seem to not want me. Why is that? Do you think I'm not a good fit? Just because I'm from California doesn't mean I'm not a Texan at heart. I mean, I totally get into county fairs. I also eat cantaloupe with a knife sometimes. And believe you me, I fully intend on picking up a twang and eating whatever animals I run over on the road. Consider it done.
You should also know that I love barbecue, football, cowboys and wide open spaces. And I look great in cowboy boots.
I'd be willing to establish a written contract regarding what I'll do for you. How about this - I promise that if you open your friendly southern arms to me, I will:
* Listen to country music on a regular basis. (I assume this includes Taylor Swift).
* Shoot things on my property. Snakes, old tin cans, obnoxious dogs - you name it, I'll shoot it.
* Remember the Alamo.
* Marry a football-and-family loving cowboy, with whom I'll gladly make strapping sons, and I'll always attend their football games and cook hot meals with lots of meat and fresh produce from my garden.
* Own an old Chevy truck or new SUV. Or both, probably.
* Sit on my porch every pleasant evening with a glass of lemonade, freshly squeezed from my own kitchen (read: children).
* Not have neighbors.
* Own all the seasons of Friday Night Lights. Still love Riggins, by the way.
* Use the word "ya'll" in every complete thought that I verbally express.
See, aren't I the ideal candidate? And also consider what I'm willing to sacrifice by leaving my home state: I live in the Mediterranean of the US, the land of movie stars and convertibles and earthquakes. And leaving The Dirts who live next door will truly be a heart-breaking day.
I think it's clear that we need each other. So please give me a job.
Best regards,
Tara
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7 comments:
Adam got a job in TX, surely you can too my dear. We're making a Malan exodus, did you hear? So yes, TX will have to obey your request. I'll think happy thoughts.
you have to work to enter texas. i'm not kidding. for the first year i lived here every flight BACK into Texas i took- got delayed, stranded, grounded etc. the flight out to cali or utah got there without a hitch but always coming back was the problem.
you just have to keep trying. good luck.
Texas is awesome. They have cheap houses. Sorry, I have house hunting on the brain.
oh my goodness, that's it! you would be the perfect Texan! I vote you in!
Loved this entry on how to get into Texas. But I laughed out loud reading about the puppy. Too funny. Thanks for making my day. Love ya, Auntie
You didn't mention pledging allegiance to the Texas flag as well as the us flag, cause they do that too.
You know, you can do all those things in Oklahoma too and I bet they are just begging people to go there. They might even give you a stipend like they do in Alaska which could be spent on a gingham dress and ponytail ties.
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