Merry Birthday To Moi

So . . . I had another birthday. It's weird - it happens at the same time every year. And sadly/thankfully/appropriately I was in Austin for the big event. I was working, which is a crime, but I was also IN AUSTIN, which was like taking a bath in testosterone and Jack Daniels fumes. I was thinking it might be a good idea to ride the mechanical bull with the other drunken co-eds, but then I remembered that I only ride bucking broncos in my special lingerie and lucky whip, which I didn't have on my person. Next time I'll better channel my inner Boy Scout and Be Prepared, so lesson learned.

On the actual anniversary I got a bunch of pipe cleaner jewelry and paper boxes and other crap like that from the little 6th graders whom I was essentially babysitting in Austin, so I was hoping for some REAL presents when I got back. Like money or jewels or a pony or a new life or something. I told the little ankle-biters in Texas, "Listen up kiddies - tomorrow is my birthday. Bring me presents," which seemed to get the point across, so I did the same with my family. This also provided excellent results. It's all about up-front and honest communication, you see. Even Zach, the cheapskate of the family, gave me more than a quarter taped to a homemade "card", which is what he's famous for. In our family we show our love by how much money we spend on each other, so you can see how much Zach loves the rest of us.

And, like any remotely sentimental holiday, birthdays make me reminiscent and reflective. As I was contemplating the many successes of my life today, I realized I do have one weakness: I just don't don't pamper myself enough. I mean, can you ever do enough for yourself? I realized I'm always giving giving giving to every needy human that crosses my path and I'm just over it. I'm resolved to work on this minor flaw of mine. Starting tomorrow I'm going to tell the crippled girl to get her own ride to church, and my co-workers to find someone else to whine to about their boring lives to, because I've got a life to live ya'll. I've got needs too. Most of which continue to go unfulfilled day after day after day, so obviously I've got to focus a little bit more on numero uno. I'm not completely selfish, however, so if you ever want advice on how to stop screwing up your life, you know where to find me.

Happy to my birthday!